The well-known proverb 'Actions speak louder than words' is found in many lands and many languages, including ancient Greek. It affirms the fact that what someone actually does, means more than what they say they will do (The Oxford Dictionary, Thesaurus and Wordpower Guide, 2001).
It took the disappointed look on the face of a beginner at dance class before I realized that this is not only true for the things others say and do but also for the things I myself say and do. Me saying sorry for not dancing with him did not mean a thing to him. But when I danced the next dance with him that meant a whole lot more!
A dog is not considered a good dog because he is a good barker.
A man is not considered a good man because he is a good talker.
Buddha
More than words Nuno Bettencourt and Gary Cherone, 1991 small>
Saying I love you Is not the words I want to hear from you It's not that I want you Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel More than words is all you have to do to make it real Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
'Cause I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two More than words to show you feel That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away Then you couldn't make things new Just by saying I love you
More than words
Now that I've tried to talk to you and make you understand All you have to do is close your eyes And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me 'Cause I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two More than words to show you feel That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away Then you couldn't make things new Just by saying I love you
More than words
But for those rare times that we do need to express ourselves with words a few tips can be found below.
Tip 1
Let your words be few. Foolish talk comes when there are too many words (The Bible, Ecclesiastes 5:3).
Tip 2
Don't nag!
It dilutes the impact of what you are trying to say and leaves you feeling disempowered and frustrated.
Nagging conveys the message: "YOU SHOULD". And we, humans, don't respond well to "YOU SHOULD." We don't like being told what to do. As a result we withdraw, not acknowledge what is being said or simply say "Yeah, whatever".
Instead of nagging, stand firm, speak directly, don't repeat yourself or move away and you stand a much better chance of being listened to.
Tip 3
We are far more receptive to engaging in a challenging conversation when we are not shamed or accused. We get defensive if someone says: "You always speak over me and I am sick of it!".
But if someone says: "Darling, when we were discussing that situation in the Middle East at the party last night and you talked over me, I felt a bit bulldozed and insignificant," we are more likely to react positively.
For some mysterious reason we are more likely to take responsibility and do something when confronted with the impact of our behaviour on the feelings of others.
Continue with the next course:
Pork with White Beans
Chef's Choice against bad effects of good intentions
and talking too quickly Read more >>
Or
Have a peak in the Secret File of the Hollow Mountain on Speech >>